I've got it all figured out.

Friday, November 27, 2009

This Just In: People Are Dummer then Hamsters.

The CBC, in all its wisdom, has brought to my attention that there is now a hamster hotel open in France. For those of you that are unfamiliar with exactly what a “hamster hotel” is (that would be everyone), it is a hotel where the rooms are set up like a hamster cage and you can live like a hamster. There’s a wheel, a water bottle, shavings on the floor etc… Don’t believe me?

So basically what this is saying is that people are stupider then hamsters. Hamsters don’t want to live in that little cage. They want out! That’s why they gnaw on the bars all night while you’re trying to sleep. Hamsters don’t want to run on that wheel. They want out! They only run on it because they need exercise and there’s nothing else to do. So these people in France are paying 99 Euros a night to live in captivity in a room that is designed to entertain a rodent with a brain the size of a pea. And the rodent doesn’t even really want to be there. It wants out!

What do they do if they want to go for a stroll along Seine? Give them one of these?

Watch out for stairs!

And how come there’s a toilet in the hamster hotel? Shouldn’t they have to piss and shit in the corner like a real hamster? Then let it build up for weeks and weeks until some teenage girl that isn’t interested in them anymore is forced to clean it out by her dad because it stinks and they’re having company tonight?

Growing up I had four hamsters. Fuzz Bucket, Hamish, Rory Calhoun and Jimbo. They’re all now buried in my parents back yard. As a kid I was sad to see them go but I don’t think their deaths traumatized me enough to don a fun-fur hamster bonnet and live like them for a weekend. Do you know why? Because that’s fucking crazy!

I did always want to get this for my hamsters but my mum said it was cruel.

She was probably right. And you know what? Now that I’m older I have no desire to put on a fun-fur hamster bonnet and drag race either.

This is how hamsters really want to live.


Johnny's Sister said...

Awww, Fuzzbucket. RIP. Remember when we put Frisco and Fuzzbucket in the cage together and they cage-matched all night long? Good times.

Johnny said...

Yes. I also recall one of them getting a hold of that stuffed Gorilla you got from the bank. You put it too close to the cage and it was hawled in and shredded piece by piece until the only thing left outside of the cage was the plastic face, hands and feet. I remember that disturbed you deeply. Very amusing.