I've got it all figured out.

Monday, November 23, 2009

"Sleep all day. Party all night. Never grow old. Never die."

I happened to watch The Lost Boys this weekend. Wow, I never realized how much that movie sucked. I saw it when it came out on video around 1988 and I remember everyone thinking it was such a cool and dark movie. I guess we all forgot about this scene in the beginning :

**Note: That's not the right audio but it was the best I could do**

Who decided that was a good idea?

The Lost Boys Producer 1: We need to inject some real sex appeal into this film.

The Lost Boys Producer 2: Hey, I know. Why don’t we get Timmy Capello to play Heavy Metal/New Primitive saxophone with his shirt off?

The Lost Boys Producer 1: You mean that really buff long haired guy that played the awesome saxophone in Tina Turner’s video “We Don’t Need Another Hero”?

The Lost boys Producer 2 (with a sly grin and a nod): That’s the guy.

The Lost Boys Producer 1 (getting out of his chair, preparing to instigate a high-five): Shit Donny, you’re a genius!

See the original idea for The Lost Boys was to make them all kids. Like 6th and 7th graders, with the Frog brothers as fat Boy Scouts. Then Joel Schumacher said he’d only do the movie if he could make them teenagers because he thought it would be sexier. I’m assuming Timmy Capello was brought on board to drive this fact home (I like the idea of making them kids but I also liked The Monster Squad).

Then there’s the Coreys. God I hate those two. Especially Corey Haim. The scene where they first meet in the comic store and Sam ( Haim’s character) shows off his comic knowledge while wearing that riddculess outfit… it made me feel uncomfortable watching it. I felt embarrassed. If you'd like to experience it for yourself, go right ahead.

And we all know how Haim turned out (cue much, much more embarrassment).

The other thing I couldn’t understand about this movie is why the Lost Boys were such thrill seekers. If you know you’re immortal and you can’t die, then where is the thrill in riding your dirt bikes really fast along the beach? That’s the kind of thing regular teenagers do. To vampires it should be no more thrilling then watching it on tv (I don’t recall getting that excited when I watched Triple X).

Finally the movie treated the whole “vampire rules” really loosely. Max couldn’t enter the house for dinner without being invited and garlic seems to work pretty well but how come all Michael had to do to become a Vamprie is drink some blood and rock out in front of a Jim Morrison Poster? And how come they could all hang out on a bridge? I thought vampires couldn’t cross bridges? Wait, maybe that’s just Headless Horsemen. Hmm, my brain hurts now. I better stop thinking about The Lost Boys.

No wait! One more thing. What was with that really gay Rob Lowe poster on the back of Sam’s closet door?

P.S. Do you think I should get a high resolution print of this and pass it off as my own?

1 comment:

cougs said...

i love your blog. it turns my frown upside down.