I've got it all figured out.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Ask the Magic Internet a Stupid Question No. 0016

I know this guy that has smelly feet. They’re not gross disgusting fungusy feet like these.

They just smell.

He says that he tries everything to keep them from smelling. He washes them. He changes his socks every day. He doesn’t wear the same shoes all the time. He’s even tried those Odor Eater things you see on TV. You know the one’s that can cure Swamp Foot.

But sometimes they still smell. Now the strange thing is that his dad’s feet smell too. In fact I think they smell worse. So that makes me wonder. Can smelly feet be hereditary? Is there a smelly feet gene that can be passed down from generation to generation like a bad heirloom?

This was you Great Uncle Elli’s pubic lice comb. He pried it from the dead hand of a German sniper during the war. When I was your age he gave it to me. I’ve been combing my pubes with it for 30 years and now I’m giving it to you. So don’t go loosing it at one of your discos.

You all know where this is going. Let’s pop the old hitchhiking thumb into the USB port and catch a ride on the information super highway.

Question 16: Is having smelly feet hereditary?

Vrrrrrrrrr. Errrrrrrrrr. Orrrrrrr. Baaaaaawoooogaaaaaa. Vit. Vit. Ding!

Magic Internet Answer: Helen Keller once said, Smell is a potent wizard that transports you across thousands of miles and all the years you have lived. Well I must say that I’m quite happy to be void of a sense of smell. Many of my users have questionable hygiene to say the least.

However I do sometimes envy Ms. Keller’s loss of site. The things I’ve seen Johnny. The unspeakable horrors I’ve been forced to Google! The, the, the…. Sorry Johnny. I had a bit of a RAM flashback there. Let me answer your question. Foot odor in its self is not hereditary but one of the causing factors in foot odor can be. You see the odor is cause by two components coming together, sweat and bacteria. Human hands and feet have roughly 3,000 sweat glands per square inch, more than anywhere else on the body. Even though human hands perspire they tend not to be malodorous because they are exposed to the open air. Human feet on the other hand are usually incased in socks and shoes. The dark damp environment created by these ambulation accessories allows the bacteria to proliferate and generate isovaleric acid. It is this acid that causes smelly feet.

And this acid

Causes smelly hippy.

Yes, thanks for that Johnny. Now let us get to the hereditary portion of this answer. There is a condition called hyperhidrosis. This condition is characterized by abnormally profuse sweating and it is a condition that is believed to be hereditary. Hyperhidrosis can also be localized to certain areas of the body. Palmoplantar Hyperhidrosis is the name given to symptomatic sweating of the hands and feet. This may explain how foot odor can seem to run in the family. Overly sweaty feet will become malodorous feet. The easiest solution is to keep the feet dry. But not too dry. You don’t want to end up like this poor fellow.

Wow that’s gross! Thanks Magic I. Hey did you know that Odor Eaters sponsored a rottone sneaker competition at something called the Bear Paw Festival? Apparently all the boys cheated by stepping in dog poo. Check it out.

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