I've got it all figured out.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Behold! The Ball Bra.

I don’t watch Dragon’s Den but someone told me that the guy who invented the Ball Bra was on the other night and he almost got a deal for this! He says he’s already sold 10,000 of them!!! Please excuse me while I load the words “What the Fuck” into a cannon and fire them into space.

I can’t figure out for the life of me what the Ball Bra does. I visited their website http://www.ballbra.com/ and I did learn a few things, such as:

-Ordering a Ball Bra will make me part of “The Legacy”. The legacy of what? Douche bags that go around showing dick cleavage?

-Elastic can be referred to as a “technically advanced waistband”

-“The specially designed open penis area, will improve your daily lives, taking advantage of a mans busy schedule.” Wow. That’s some sentence. Um, time to reload the What the Fuck cannon.

-The silk Ball Bra is made for “the modern influential man”.

-The Seaman Ball Bra “triggers your style senses”.

-The G. I. Ball Bra “will change your life”. What does it do, make you enlist?

-They sell Ball Bra t-shirts! Who? I ask you who? WHO?

-If you click on the “sizing” section you will see a handy chart that shows you “how to measure your balls“. Why isn’t this framed in every men’s department?

Seeing as their website left me even more confused I decided to get a second opinion from this site:


Here’s what I learned from Mixarticles:

-“The cup will hold your big balls in place and you also can have your penis out of the cup or stay in the cup with your balls.”

- Borat is now penning Ball Bra reviews.

So it appears that the Ball Bra has no purpose, apart from making the wearer sexy.

Look here Ball Bra. People that would wear you don’t need any encouragement. Men should not be intentionally sexy. How are you going to be suave and sexy in those “European briefs” when you have a big gross boner snaking out the side? And how is your partner ever going to take you serious again when she sees you in a Ball Bra? You might as well come to bed wearing this.


michael said...

Croatians everywhere just let out one big, collective groan.

Johnny said...

Would that be a groan of disstane or a groan of pleasure?

michael said...


krixia said...

I shared this on tumblr.

Johnny said...

I don't really know what that means but thanks.

James Bixler said...

I think It's got legitimacy! I Love wearing very brief swim wear. But their usually tight! Some very tight and when their that brief you do want them tight. The problem is I can't stand my junk pulled in so close. If these ball bar's do give you a lift and away from the body I'd buy ten. I hate feeling cramped. This isn't an outrageous idea! And I wouldn't market them to just the elderly for a young guy or one who hasn't gone over the hill I think every male could benefit and be a help of a lot more comfortable.