I've got it all figured out.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I hate art students.

This past year I went from working down in the financial district to up near a local art college.

(War of the Worlds meets Screech’s wardrobe)

I don’t mind the change of scenery. Instead of looking at ruddy faced business men with their starch-shirted guts hanging out like a bag of milk,

I now get to look at Lady Ga Ga angled haircuts and guys wearing girls pants.

(I see a lot of this)

Nauseating? Yes, but at least they have an excuse. Cutting your bangs every day and dressing like Pee Wee Herman in Star Wars is just an expression of their artistic individuality. I mean how can you be a great artist if you go around dressed like a bore? Hell, if I was an artist I’d make sure everyone new it. I’d wear this.

Then I saw some of their art.

(Artist’s rendition of typical student art)

Every day I see them lugging their masterpieces to class. I see half-painted fantasy dragons too poor to make it onto the back of a 1970s jean jacket never mind a boogey van.

I see graffiti inspired canvases so uninspired they could have been in a Fresh Prince Video

I see portraits so void of basic artistic skill that they wouldn’t even be displayed in Value Village.

And these are just the students that are trying to go the route of the technically gifted artist. It gets even worse with the conceptual or contemporary art students. A while back I saw a 4’ x 6’ colour painting depicting Beethoven with large stylized black and white ears side by side with Stevie Wonder with large stylized black and white eyes. Just thinking about it even now makes me want to bash my own head with a rock.

I just don’t understand the concept of the art student. I don’t think being a good artist is something you can teach. Breakdancing maybe but art no.

I think being a successful artist is a combination of talent and marketing. Neither of which you’re going to obtain from attending art school. Who’s teaching those classes anyway? I’ll tell you who, failed artists. And their students are going to wind up just like them. They’re essentially paying the school money to prolong their failure.

(You don’t see Keith Haring teaching a bunch of scrawny little hacks the finer points of art and design… and not just because he died of AIDS 20 years ago.)

Look, if you want to be an artist you don’t have to go to school to do it. If you want to be a painter, paint. If you want to be a sculptor, sculpt. If you want to be whatever makes this…

You get the idea. Here I’ll even get you started with a conceptual art project.

Step 1) Go get $240

Step 2) Eat it.

Step 3) Digest.

Step 4) Shit in a jar.

Step 5) Call it Purple Ugg Boots

Ta Da! You’re an artist.


Anonymous said...

It's funny to see what the businessman running around rampant to get his merger in check thinks about. It's also funny to see what the average man sees in an art class. Do you expect a musician to pick up a guitar and suddenly know how to play? No. Art takes work, understanding of the human form, the ability to seek out negative space, and transform that to 2d or 3d design.
You can't pull good composition out of a toilet, and just because you have the pretentious nature of a nazi does not mean that you should hand out hatred to people that aren't like you.
Because you don't understand these people, you condemn them. Art throughout history has not only changed the course of human events but made you (in a way) the person you are today. When the great empires fall, all that is left is art. Read History as art and as science and maybe you can get a grasp of what little you claim to understand of the world.

Johnny said...

I've just printed out your comment and framed it. I'm going to feature it in my latest exhibit called "Lighten Up Nazis"

Anonymous said...

Come on! You're both right. No fighting on the Internet now...
Anyway, I have to admit that this post made me laugh. I, myself, am a (foundation) art student, but I've HATED the subject for many years now. I only studied it because I didn't know what else to study and a part of me always knew it would get me nowhere. Now I can happily say that I'm quitting it to study languages and I can't wait! :D
Whoops! You didn't need a life story, but I know exactly what you're talking about. Anything can be "art" these days as long as it has a "meaning" behind it. And, yes, the teachers are failed artists. I'm just lucky I no longer have to follow in their footsteps.
I'll admit that some of the art at the college is very good (ha! None of it mine.) Yet others could have been painted by an infant, but there's obviously deep meanings behind them!one!eleven (Some guy was even studying condoms for his project. D: )
I am very much looking forward to next year when I can say goodbye to art college forever. :)

Anonymous said...

well andy warhol printed cans and thats art so whatever fucker

Anonymous said...

putting a finger in my ass is conceptual art