I've got it all figured out.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Chateau du Ugly 2000 anyone?

Last night I watched Coyote Ugly on the Country Music Television station.

It’s a very, very bad movie. Just when you thought a scene couldn’t get any worse. They’d turn the Jheeps dial up to 11. For example, playing your acoustic on an NYC roof top at 4 am is bad. Playing your keyboard on a NYC roof top at 4 am in time to some meth addict hip hop dancing in the building across from you? That’s Coyote Ugly bad.

Now you might ask, Why would you put yourself through that? Well, let me tell you. Bad movies are bad for all kinds of reasons. Some are badly written.

Likethe dialogue in Action Jackson.

Some movies are badly directed.

Let Spock direct a Star Trek movie and you get cool stuff like this.

Let Captain Kirk direct and you get unwatchable garbage like this.

Some movies are badly acted.

Like everything staring Nicolas Cage.

There are movies with bad titles.

And there are movies that are badly dated.

1989s The Wizard anyone?

There are movies that are so bad that they’re good.

Malibu in the Killing Zone.

Then there are movies that are so bad they’re unwatchable.

Part 1 of Crazy Fat Ethel 2. I won’t bother posting the other parts. You won’t even get through this one.

Oh and finally there are movies that are all of these things combined.

The perfect storm that is Cool As Ice.

So you see I don’t so much watch bad movies as savor them like a fine, vinegary wine.

Let’s take another sip of Coyote Ugly. Mmmmm…. suttle hints of John Goodman’s worst career move.

I'm tasting a love scene in front of cardboard cut outs of Fabio, Bill Clinton and Patrick Swayze. Bold. Very Bold! And do I detect a dash of Johnny Knoxville with a Blondissima alien?


All and all I’d say this has some very strong bad movie flavors for a 10 year old vintage. Factor in all those sexy outfits that are already looking like Wal-mart teamed up with Frederick’s of Hollywood and I’d say this film can only appreciate with age.


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