I've got it all figured out.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Littlepeople Channel

A while back I wrote about how CGI was putting stuntmen, ugly actors and midgets out of work. Well scratch the last one. Midgets are making money hand over stubby fist.


It’s all thanks to The Learning Channel. I don’t know what’s going on with that station but their head of programming must be a midget obsessed freak because they just keep churning out midget shows. Did you know they now have five different shows about Little People!! What the tiny fuck??!!

First there’s Little People Big World.

This one is the mother ship. LPBW started it all. This is the one with the midget parents that have one midget son, two regular sons and a regular daughter. They live on a hobby farm and sell pumpkins or something (sounds like something Gnomes would do). I used to watch this show. My favorite episode is when they travel to the Little People Convention and you get to see them all dancing. It would have been even better if the floor opened up and this guy started throwing shapes.

I stopped watching because I always thought the dad was kind of an asshole. Turns out I was right. He was arrested for DUI.

Oh and also I was jealous that the regular brother got to wear all these cool Dwarf shirts with impunity.

Then there’s The Little Couple.

(Who would get this on DVD?!)

I’ve only seen this show a couple times. From what I can tell they’re basically your typical annoying upper-middle class couple except they’re both freaky small (under 4 feet). If I remember right they’re planning to move from New York to somewhere down south and buy a house. This is sure to be a hit with all the calf brained TLC viewers because it takes so many shows that they already watch (wedding shows, travel shows, home buying shows, home renovation shows) and make them more entertaining by adding midgets. Now you get to ooh and ahh over someone putting a marble counter top in their kitchen and then you get the added novelty that it’s being installed 3 feet off the ground. Plus little things are always cuter then big things. Who ever came up with this concept is a TV mastermind.

Next there’s Our Little Life.

This seems to be about a midget couple that have a regular size baby. All I can say after watching that clip is that the mother seems like a total bitch and I liked this concept better when it was called Honey I Blew Up the Kid.

There’s also Dwarf Adoption Story.

I saw this one last week. It’s about a Dwarf couple that travel to Albania to adopt another dwarf child. The mother dwarf already has a dwarf child from a previous relationship (with a huge black guy, they showed a picture)but I guess they want another. They try to make a big deal out of how Albania is so non-dwarf friendly . Yeah, neither is anywhere else last time I checked. Except maybe Kunming, China.

From what I saw of Albania on the show, it didn’t seem much different then North America. A little more run down maybe and every man under 50 seemed to smoke and have a crew cut.

(typical Albanian)

And last but not least we have The Little Chocolatiers .

A show about midgets that run a chocolate shop.Seriously? The Little Chocolatiers! This is about as close as you’re going to get to watching real live Oompa Loompas.

So what is it with all these midget shows? Are they for all those out of work midgets laid off by George Lucas that are just sitting around watching TV all day? I’m surprised they didn’t have a live broadcast of Ping Ping’s funeral.

(1988-2010 RIP)

All I know is that they’re taking the spotlight away from what real midget talent we have left. Like Weng Weng.

P.S. Do all these little guys have double names or what?

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