I don’t understand St. Patrick’s Day. Why are so many people that aren’t even Irish celebrating the Irish? And why are they doing it by reinforcing every ridiculous Irish stereotype?
I don’t seem to recall anyone doing anything to celebrate the Chinese back on February 14th. Come on. Why weren’t you all out driving your cars badly and trying to Kung-Fu fight each other?
You didn’t even have to dress up. All your clothes are made In China anyway. But nooooo. All you did for Chinese New Year was go to the Mandarin and eat your own fat fucking weight in crab legs during their Kung Hei Fat Choi buffet special. So what makes the Irish so special?
Here in Toronto we already had a parade last Sunday. Why? I don’t know.
(This is bullshit!)
Now everyone is gearing up for the big today. And with the weather being so nice it’s sure to reach drunk-con 5. I’m staying as far away from downtown as possible. I saw posters everywhere advertising a big St. Patrick’s Day Party at Tattoo Rock Parlor (I guess the bar name Worst Place In the World was already taken).
(I like how it’s sponsored by Jaggermeister. Bragora!)
And look who’s going to be there the Mahones!
Mahone Guy # 1: Hey Mahone Guy # 4, we’re having our promo shots done today. Are you going to wear your Ramones t-shirt?
Mahone Guy # 4: Hell yeah! It’s Punk Rock!
Mahone Guy # 1: Ok. But wear the one with the Ramones crest up to the side because I’m wearing the one with the Ramones crest in the middle, ok?
These guys are the poorest representation of Irish culture since these guys.
(tracks 1-10 are Jump Around)
You know who else is going to be there?
And this guy
And probably these two shit heads:
Yep, definitely staying away.
Now don’t get me wrong. There are some things I like about St. Patrick’s day.
I kind of like that old guy that dies his beard green every year.
One year there was a squeegee punk down on Queen St. that spray painted himself green on St. Patrick’s Day. He was green for like two months after that I used to see him laying around down there all the time. It was great. Sadly I’m most certain he is now dead.
St. Patrick’s Day also means that the award winning Leprechaun films will be in heavy rotation on television. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
EMBED-Leprechaun Rap - Watch more free videos
It also gives me an excuse to pull out my Pogues records. God Bless Shane McGowan.
And here’s a St. Patrick’s Day video no one can deny enjoying:
And that’s all I have to say about that.