I've got it all figured out.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Happy Necro-Birthday Dead Elvis!

If Elvis Priestly was still alive he would be 75 years old today. Do you think he would have let himself age the natural Johnny Cashesque way?

Or the plastic surgery and skin peal Tom Jonesesque way?

It seems to me that Elvis was too big a fan of gimmicks and the latest fads to let himself grow old grace(land)fully . Remember when he got into Karate?

It kind of makes me wish he had made it to the mid-eighties ninja movie phase. He would have made a great edition to Enter the Ninja (best ninja move ever).

Yeah, sadly, I think if Elvis was still around today we’d be looking at a botoxed, spray-tanned, hair plug pompadoured Elvis still shaking his hip replaced pelvis on a stage in Las Vegas somewhere.

Never mind that. What kind of effect would a still alive Elvis have on the Las Vegas economy? Aren’t there thousands of people making millions of dollars in that city do to the fact that he’s dead? I mean who wants to see an Elvis impersonator if the real deal is still alive and doing 2 shows a night at the Bellagio?

That’s another thing. Why do so many Elvis impersonators choose to impersonate Elvis at his worst?

I like the young cool Elvis of the 50s and 60s. Not the bloated bedazzled pill box in a jump suit.

Cool Elvis.

Then there are all those people that think he isn’t dead. Well if he isn’t you’ve got about 15-20 years tops to find him. Then he’ll be dead for sure. There are many theories as to what he’s been doing the past few decades. My favorite is that he grew a beard and is one of the members of Z Z Top (or as my mother likes to call them Zed Zed Top).

Come on. He’s dead! Get over it. You should be happy for him. I read a recent quote from Noel Gallagher that said:

"The only reason people revere John Lennon is because he's not around to be shit"

I agree and the same goes for Elvis. Elvis will live on forever in his music and in the weirdos that worship him. For more on that here’s Mojo Nixon. Happy Birthday Big E.

1 comment:

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