I've got it all figured out.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Ask the Magic Internet a Stupid Question No. 0032

Last week I took Mutton to the vet. She had to get a shot to make sure she doesn’t get rabies. When dogs get rabies they get all mean and bitey. Like Cujo.

And then when the dog bites you. You get all mean and bitey. Like Bud the C.H.U.D.

Or maybe you just die. I don’t know. Who do you think I am, Dr. Pet Vet?

Now this little fellow will give you inflammation of the brain.

Regardless, rabies is the closest thing we have to a real zombie outbreak disease so we’ve got to keep a lid on it. After Mutton got her shot the vet was giving her a look over and he checked her teeth and said she had tarter on them. I don’t know why, I give her Dentastix all the time.

 They're supposed to clean her teeth and keep her from having dog breath.

File Photo: Dog breath.

So the vet goes into this spiel about how you can buy this special food and how you can brush her teeth and everything and I’m thinking, Come on. I barely take care of my own teeth. But I guess teeth are important to dogs. They don’t have hands. So I guess I’m going to have to try and brush them. Either that or get her dentures. Can you get dentures for dogs? I know you can get fake replacement balls for dogs that have been neutered. It’s true. They’re called Neuticles.

They’re like breast implants but they go into your dogs empty sack so that you he feels like more of a man or something. They also make good earrings.

But I’m getting off topic here. Magic Internet. Come here boy. Come on boy.

Question 32: Can you get false teeth for dogs?

Magic Internet Answer: It is a rare treat when you come to me with a question that is both stupid and interesting, Johnny. So I shall do my best to answer it fully. Dentures have been made and fitted for dogs. The first doctor to do so was Dr. D. Fosland from Aberdeen, Scotland back in 1938.

Cool I wonder if Mackenzie boy is related to Spuds Mackenzie?

Spuds needed a false set of lips so he could motorboat all those Bud girls’ jugs.

Yes, Johnny. Thank you for your input. Modern veterinarian practice frowns upon full dentures for canines as they are difficult to keep in the dog’s mouth and are difficult to clean. If your dog does loose teeth, most veterinarians will suggest that you switch your pet to a soft food diet. However dental implants are an option. A TTA procedure for a dog will cost between $2,200 - $2,500 per tooth. The fluctuation in the price is based on the size of the dog and the amount of anesthetic that needs to be used. This price also includes a pre-surgery exam, antibiotic and pain medication prescription for 10 days and 3 post-operation exams not to mention the surgery and the tooth its self. The implant is made from a titanium screw most often capped with a ceramic tooth. Although some doctors are opting for a crown made form hydroxyapitite, a calcium phosphate ceramic. Using this material may help with bone growth on to the metal screw. It was also used as a coating for leg implants in a cat called Oscar.

Tank treads would have been better but at least he’s a shoe in (zinger) for Pet Cemetery III

Well thanks MI. Those would be some pretty expensive teeth. I better go out and get Mutton a tooth brush. Either that or pick up an old set of falsies from the TTC lost and found along with a can of gravy and some crazy glue. Check ya later.

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