I've got it all figured out.

Friday, April 1, 2011

The Creepshow Men's Show!!!!!!!!

Can you believe that this exists?

Could you imagine having to work at this thing? I bet it smells like a public bathroom in there. But who am I to stand in the way of progress in the form of marketing ideas? So without furth adieu...

IT'S THE CREEPSHOW MEN'S SHOW!!!!!! Come on down to the massive Pukeoplex arena and wallow in all the stuff men like. Stuff like:

chicken wings, cold ones, big jugs, tools, motorbikes, visible panty lines, baseball, beef jerky, rock & roll, moustaches, faded jeans, pissing outdoors, monster trucks, big sets of keys, smelly feet, cheerleaders, all day breakfasts, football, novelty ties, stuff to chug, guns, chicks in bikinis, chicks in bikinis holding guns, smelly farts, bar stools, big rig horns, cowboy boots, cowboy hats, cowboys, hemi engines, big sandwiches, three stooges marathons, remote controls, chewing tobacco, fishing, action movies in HD, poker, strippers, strip poker, stuff on fire, cars with the hood up, cars with the top down, bacon, helmets, guys beating the shit out of each other, melted cheese, regular coffee, popping boners, vehicles pulling skids, steel toed boots, hooters, Hooters waitresses, stuff that attaches to your belt, beer in the bottle, professional sports personalities, lazy boy chairs, mini fridges, bjs, hjs, rare steaks, boxing, kick boxing, foxy boxing, blue angels, Proline, sweet parking spaces, Canadian Tire money, lumber, baseball caps, naked ladies, high fives, electric guitars, surf boards, wake boards, peg boards with the shapes of your tools drawn on them, loaded nachos, burgers with the works, pizzas with everything, stuff that's ice cold, stuff that's piping hot, jaggerbombs, lawnmowers, snow blowers, riding mowers, flames stickers to put on your riding mowers, fart jokes, gravy, CDs you listened to in college, ATVs, guys that are huge, cleverly named professional sports cheerleaders, deadly animals, things with the word power in their name, big speakers, bikini car washes, mixed nuts, other guys getting hit in the nuts, bumper stickers, toilets with the seat up, duct tape, WD 40, car crashes, chimps wearing clothes, arm wrestling, hot sauce, chicks bending over, those cars with the big back wheels and the engine sticking out of the hood, Pro Wrestlers, Ultimate Fighters, Fighter Jets, the Ultimate Warrior (if he's not dead), foot long hot dogs, eight foot party subs, twenty minute dumps, a tornado, peanut butter jars full of screws, classic car model kits, World War II videos on Blue Ray, mud wrestling, Jell-O wrestling, Jell-O shots, regular shots, shots in the arm, Hot Shot hand warmers, a horse taking a shit, Oakley Blades, Hockey, stuff that makes you burp, flex offs, The Godfather and Scarface on continuous loop, dogs, beards, salt, cigars, camping equipment, Tom Selleck, all surviving cast members of the A-Team, lap dances, explosions, durable clothing, chicks in tube tops, barbecues, barbecue sauce, mother-in-law dunk tank with Roy Halladay pitching, video games, unnecessarily complicated cameras, cut offs, bug spray, things to hold loose change, all the toys you had as a kid, constructions sites, big screen TVs, two-in-one shampoo, Playboy magazines, brief cases, every Batmobile, Chunky Soup, College Basketball, five alarm chili, the guys from Orange County Choppers building a custom bike based on the films of Sly Stallone, TV Dinners, gasoline, chicks wearing thongs, John Wayne's skeleton, speed boats, water skis, jet skis, measuring tape, penis measuring tape, tequila, paintball, t-shirts, t-shirts with funny stuff on them, wet t-shirts, wet t-shirt contests, eating contests, belching contests, army guys, pork rinds, classic rock, actual rocks, belly dancers, turpentine, cool snakes, ribs, walkie talkies, swimsuit calendars, Manwiches, pool tables, decks, multiple blade razors, strongly worded no trespassing signs that make people think you're a bad ass, soap on a rope, Hawiian shirts, live bait, the guy that draws Dilbert, BO, swords, hats and jackets with the logos of cars that you will never own on them, a fire truck, sports drinks, stuff that lets people know you'd rather be golfing, big sideburns, robots, lengths of good rope, your country's flag, novltey boxers, novltey boxers with your country's flag on them, hating soccer, Gene Simmons showing his tongue, dune buggies, board breaking karate guys, cold cuts, naked lady playing cards, Eat More bars, omlet stations, Viagra, famous professional poker players, baked beans, actual shower set from Porky's and much MUCH more!!!!!!

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