I've got it all figured out.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Ask the Magic Internet a Stupid Question No. 0030

When I was young I got this VHS tape at a garage sale called Hollywood Bloopers Uncensored.

I bought it for like a dollar and at the time I thought I was getting something really bad, like an adult movie but it turned out to be bad as in terrible. Just these poorly edited meaningless outtakes from old television shows. There was nothing racy or raunchy about it. I think Don Rickles might have said shit. But there was one scene I remember with Mister Rogers in it where he goes to answer the front door on his set and when he opens it there’s a topless woman there screaming. Thinking back on it I don’t even think it was a real clip. I think they just superimposed the screaming woman in the door. I’m going to have to find another copy of that tape and see. But in the mean time I’m going to reminisce about Mister Rogers. I loved him when I was a kid.

Did you know that he met the Dali Lama?

Mister Lama gave Mister Rogers a Cheryl Tiegs poster. That’s it under his arm.

He also met George W. Bush.

Bush gave him hologram human eye medallion.

Like this.

There’s a statue of Mister Rogers in Pittsburgh.

But it’s scary and looks like it was hastily made out of dog turds.

I like this dinosaur statue of him better.

And look! He even got to hug a gorilla!

I’d LOVE to hug a gorilla. Even though they have crazy BO and every time I try to picture myself hugging one it ends up crushing me to death.

Some people think Mister Rogers is evil.

But he wasn’t. He was a nice man. My favorite part of his show was when he’d first come in and change into his cardigan and sneakers.

Where was he coming from anyway? I always thought he was coming home from work. Because that’s what my dad did. He’d come home from work and take of his suit jacket and put on a sweater just like Mister Rogers. So what did Mister Rogers do? Did he have a job? Where did he work? Did he ever talk to his fellow employees about the Neighborhood of Make Believe? Let’s visit the Neighborhood of Magic Internet and find out.

Question 30: Where did Mister Rogers work?

Magic Internet Answer: Mister Rogers never mentioned any place of business or form of employment during his recorded segments of Mister Roger’s Neighborhood. But we may be able to develop some hypothesis based on observation. Upon entering his dwelling Rogers was always dressed in what could be described as traditional business attire. (a shirt, a tie, a jacket, dress shoes etc.) So it is safe to say that he did not work at a factory or a construction site or anywhere that required a uniform. It would also appear that Mister Rogers lived alone. One such profession that requires Roger’s style of dress and has a high divorce rate is that of the homicide detective. But Roger’s lack of a firearm under his jacket when he removes it suggests otherwise. As does his lack of knowledge regarding inner city youth culture that can be seen in this clip:

In truth Mister Rogers only job was that of an actor, presenter and puppeteer on his show. You were not watching him walk into his home after a day’s work. You were watching him walk onto a set. Let me show you.

Man! So Mister Rogers had no real job. That would have blown my mind as a child. You know who else had no job? Mr. Robinson!

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