I've got it all figured out.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Orange is the New Skin Colour.

When I was little I liked to colour. But back then Crayola didn’t make a skin colour crayon. Well they did but it wasn’t my skin colour.
And it was racist.

So I had to improvise. I just used what I felt was the next closest thing. I just coloured everybody orange.
Turns out I was a budding Nostradamus.

Eventually they did make a skin colour crayon. But by then it was overshadowed by all those great metallic crayons.
What kid wants to waste his time drawing stupid pictures of his family when he can be drawing the robot family from Heartbeeps?

And thus I never really experienced the true joy of colouring people skin coloured.

I guess I could have just used brown and coloured lightly. But what kid understands the concept of colouring lightly? No. Marshall McLuhan said, The media is the message. And when the media is crayon on basement faux-wood finish, you need to press hard to get the message across.

But look at the world that we live in now. What was once thought of as skin colour no longer exsists. Now Crayola makes these:

So in light of this product-based politically correct revelation, I’d like to say good bye to the old skin colour with a nostalgic look at some its biggest achievements.


There was something comforting about holding a phone up to your ear that was the same colour as you.

Latex Bald Caps

You never looked real but you sure were skin coloured.

Old Lady Underwear

We can never thank you enough for your powers of invisibility.

Tensor Bandage

We’ll always have that grade 6 sprained wrist that never really was.

Fake Tattoo Shirts

Lame couldn’t have done it without you skin colour.

Roger Moore

Just look at him! When it comes to skin colour Roger, nobody does it better.

Special mention goes to the He Man Child Muscle Shirt, skin coloured socks and original Band Aids.

Speaking of which, hey Crayola. Ebon-Aide beat you to it.

If you’re the colour of that one on the left, I think you’re waaaaay past needing a band aid. And no orange I see.

P.S. Didn’t the Dayglo Abortions have a song about having orange skin?


And it was racist.

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