I've got it all figured out.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Ask the Magic Internet a Stupid Question No. 0026.

I don’t know what it is but when men get to about 40 something compels them to go out and get one of those generic shapeless leather jackets. Go check your dad’s closet right now, I bet it’s in there.

Dad’s Closet Inventory Item # 0040.

Sometimes it’s black. Sometimes it’s brown. It might have that sheep skin collar going on. Or that liner that looks like an old timey aviation map so he can feel like Tom Cruise in Top Gun when he reaches into his inside pocket to get his tire pressure gauge out.

32 psi. Up there with the best Goose!

They should sew a map into it with the locations of all the nearest Wild Wing outlets. That would serve him better.
Highway to the danger zone!

So what is it with these jackets? Do these men just buy them as some sort of simple display of wealth? Is it just so they can say, I have a $500 jacket. This jacket is good quality leather and it shows people that I am marginally successful in life? Kind of like the lame old white guy equivalent of a rope chain?

But even rope chains have resell value. If you don’t like it anymore you can just go and sell it to Russell Oliver. He’ll give you cash.

Those leather jackets have little to no resale value. No one else wants them, apart from other guys in their forties, and they already have one. If it doesn’t get worn it’ll just sit in a closet and about once a year the guys wife will take it out and try to give it away and he’ll say, You’re not giving that jacket away! That thing cost $500! And it will go back in the closet. Maybe I hit on something with the Tom Cruise thing earlier. Maybe they buy them to soothe some sort of mini midlife crisis. There was a time when wearing a leather jacket meant you were cool, sexy, a rebel.

It kept you warm on those cold open roads and it was there to protect you from road rash when you hit a hairpin at 60. But sadly the 40 year old man jacket is only there to protect you from the brief chill you might experience while negotiating the 60 second walk from your P. T. Cruiser to Danier Leather to get your wife those leather pants she suddenly has the craving for. (And that’s a whole other story.) No, there’s nothing cool or sexy about that. And have you ever even been in one of those leather stores like Danier or the Old Hide House?

Deffinitely not worth the drive to Acton.

I can’t go near them. That leather smell is overwhelming. Someone once told me that the smell in those leather stores isn’t even real. They said it was a spray or something. Do you think that’s true? Let’s shove it into overdrive and take the information super highway to the danger zone.

Question 26: Do leather stores spray leather smell in their stores to attract customers?

Magic Internet Answer: I think the urge for male humans to wear animal hides on their backs may in fact be the primitive urge of the hunter and…

Oh wait a minute. That is not what you asked me. Your question is far more stupid. Sigh, very well. Good quality leather has a strong smell to it. This smell is generated by the use of various chemicals used to treat the leather mixed with the natural scent of the hide its self. Faux leather or poor quality leather often has a different type of smell. It is sometimes described as an oily or gas type smell. This is because gasoline is actually used to treat fake and poor quality leathers. Now I know what you are thinking. That perhaps these leather stores are using a leather spray to mask the scent of poor quality goods.

No, I’m thinking that gasoline is also used to make cocaine.
And with that in mind, if Van Halen ever finally gets back together they can run the tour bus with whatever they wring out of Dave’s jumpsuit.

Yes, most amusing. But you see even though faux leather spray does exsist.

Some men use it to renew the scent of their car’s leather interior.

And this man uses it as cologne.

It does not make good business sense to use it. Most of these leather stores pride themselves on selling top quality garments. This is why you pay top dollar and why they are so well known and remain in business. If you have a store filled with good quality leather then your store will smell like good quality leather and there is no need for a spray. So the answer is no. Leather stores do not use a leather scented spray in their stores. Whom ever told you that is possibly dumber than you. And the thought of that is most unsettling.

Yeah, well at least I don’t have to look up videos of Lady Ga Ga in that stupid egg all day.


There you have it folks. No leather spray in the leather shops. Oh and if any of you guys in your forties are reading this and are now thinking of ditching your leather jacket for something more cool, don’t go with snakeskin. Nicholas Cage ruined that over 20 years ago.

Smell your leather later.

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