I've got it all figured out.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Ask the Magic Internet a Stupid Question No. 0027.

One of my all time favorite comedians is Billy Connolly.

File Photo: The Big Yin

I won’t bog this blog down with a whole bunch of his videos; you can look him up if you like. (Good look understanding what he’s saying if you’re not Scottish though.) He’s a very funny guy and more than that he’s a great storyteller. He can start telling a story and then go off on these tangents that can last for half an hour and then come back to the punch line. It’s a great way of telling a joke because even if the joke isn’t great, the audience is still entertained. But there was a story he told that I was watching the other day about his father that got me thinking.

Johnny thinking.

Now this story I did try to find a video for but I had no luck. So I’ll give you this gist of it. Billy was telling a story about how his father was coming to see him but was late because he’d worn his wrong glasses so he had to hunch over the wheel and drive real slow to see. Billy made a joke to his dad saying, Why do you no get one aye them prescription windshields? His dad got all excited and said, Do they make those?! Even though I was laughing I was kind of interested too. I mean now a days they make bifocals, trifocals, I think they even make prescription ski goggles.

Eddie the Eagle could have used those.

So do they make prescription windshields? I know it would be expensive but these days’ stupid rich guys are always looking for something to waste their money on and it usually has something to do with cars.

What’s the nautical term for asshole?

So hey there big cyber yin! Hows about answerin a wee question for us?

Question 27: Can you get a prescription windshield?

Magic Internet Answer: Although having a prescription windshield may seem like a viable purchase for those that are visually yet not economically challenged it is highly unlikely that anyone would have one installed in their vehicle. It is true that a car windshield could be manufactured to match an eyeglass prescription but anyone installing one in their car would subject their passengers to their prescription. Now I know that you are thinking that most individuals that would spend money on a prescription windshield are of the selfish conceded male variety that you commonly refer to as douche bags.

File Photo: Three Stan Gables on their motor bikes.

But you must remember that these men will be transporting passengers of this variety.

So you can see how having a prescription windshield could vastly increase the passenger vomit levels in said vehicle.

Snooky Puke = 8 parts Vex to 3 parts Swallowed Rubbers.

But more importantly, every prescription is made for a specific vertex distance. This is the distance between the eye and the lens. So in order to maintain good vision behind the wheel of a vehicle with a prescription windshield, the driver must keep their head at the specific vertex distance for the prescription and not move their head forward or backward.

I get what you’re saying MI.

You CAN make a prescription windshield. But if you put it in this?

And they drive it past this:

It could all end like this:

Yes Johnny, with flaming puke and everything.

Crazy! What do you think Billy?

Fuckin crazy indeed. And did you see the size aye those guys heads through that windscreen?! Fuckin massive they were!

Nice one Billy. Hey remember that sitcom you did back in 1992 with that annoying little big bang Darlene’s boyfriend creep?

Fuck. What happened there? Now I feel like I’m going to flaming puke. Smell ya later guys.

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