I've got it all figured out.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

On the Wolfman’s Junk and Interspecies Relationships.

I was thinking about the Wolfman the other day...

Something I’m sure everyone tends to do now and then.

I was thinking about him and I was wondering… when he turns from like a man into the Wolfman does he keep a regular human wiener or does he get one of those lipstick dog wieners? And if he keeps a human wiener, does it get all hairy too? See most of the Wolfmen I’ve seen in movies tend to be wearing jeans so I can’t tell.

One thing I can tell you though is that they definitely have nards.

Now all this thinking about the Wolfman’s wang got me thinking about something else. Did you ever watch the Alvin & the Chipmunks cartoon?

I’m sure you did. They were responsible for such musical atrocities as this.


Still that wasn’t the worst thing you’d see on a Saturday morning.

Anyway, one thing that really bothered me about the Alvin & the Chipmunks cartoon was that they carried on romantic relationships with human girls.

I can understand girls finding the Chipmunks cute in the same way they might find a puppy cute but having a crush on one? Dating one? Kissing with tongues? Having sex??!! Are they even physically capable of doing that? What does a chipmunk wang look like anyway? What would their off spring look like?

Yikes! That thing is going to need a lot of love and support. Although given the Chipmunks new Gangsta look

I’m sure the little mutant will grow up fatherless.

This was a big thing in the 80s though, women falling in love with non-human entities. Why was that? Did women feel ignored by all the narcissistic, yuppie men that had no time for them? Or maybe it had something to do with Japan’s dominance over the western consumer back then (seeing as Japan seems to be our major excuse for this sort of thing today).

Well what ever it was it gave us things like…

Stephanie Speck and Johnny 5 in Short Circuit

Beverly Switzler and Howard T. Duck.

(Shudder, again)

And don’t even get me started on Earth Girls Are Easy.

Hey look we’re back to the Wolfman man again. Mind blowing!

Give it to me Wolfman!!!

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