He was last seen in a cream coloured VW Beatle convertible being driven by his good friend Michael Seaver. The two were headed to a local pizza establishment in order to watch one Sheena “Woo Woo” Berkowitz toss pizzas up in the air while listening to Tiffany’s Could’ve Been.
Seriously though, Boner is missing. He was last seen by friends on Valentine’s Day. He was believed to be heading to Vancouver but should have arrived back in California a week ago. Here is a more recent picture.
Despite the long hair that is still most definitely Boner Stabone.
What could have happened to him? Is it just a coincidence that the 2010 Winter Olympics are happening in Vancouver, Boner’s believed destination? I have heard that professional sports teams often use celebrities to entertain or pump up the players before a match. Could a pep talk from the B man himself have inspired the US Olympic men’s hockey team to last night’s 5-3 victory over Canada? I’d say it’s entirely possible.
Friends of Koenig also say that he enjoyed walking in Vancouver’s Stanley Park.
This brings up another possible scenario. A danger that is all too real when dealing with British Columbia’s rugged wilderness.
Bigfoots
No one knows where these mysterious creatures come from. Some say that we are their direct descendants. Others say that UFO’s come down and unload crates of them.
I can’t which is right but I’ll tell you one thing for sure. BC is full of them. Andrew Koenig was known to be an environmental activist. If he was walking in Stanley park his love of nature may have caused him to stray off the established paths and venture deeper into the forest. Bigfoots are known to give off an offensive odor. Boner may have mistaken this for the smell of Ben Seaver’s pungent pal Stinky Sullivan.
(only known picture of Stinky)
With thoughts of relishing one last nuggie on old Stinky’s noggin Boner may very well have been snatched up by a Sasquatch. Whisked away to its cave to regal the reclusive bigfoot community with tails of the dashing Mike Seaver or to see if he can use his television connections to resurrect Harry & the Hendersons.
The final and possibly most plausible explanation for Boner’s disappearance has to do with his father Walter Koenig. Walter is best known for his portrayal of Pavel Chekov in the original Star Trek.
Perhaps Boner ran afoul of some Russian Olympic Athletes that were offended by his father’s atrocious Russian accent. Or worse yet perhaps he ran afoul of some Star Trekkies. I don’t think I have to explain how crazy they can be.
I’d like to end this with a little reminiscing on my favorite Richard “Boner” Stabone episodes from Growing Pains.
1) The one where he goes to the school dance with fish sticks in his pocket.
2) The one where he’s in a school play but can’t remember his lines so he tape records them, puts the tape player in his pocket, presses play and lip syncs his lines.
3) The one where Mike sneaks away (to visit a girlfriend or audition in the city, I can’t remember which) without his parents permission so Boner dresses up as Mike and goes out to shovel the Seaver driveway so they think Mike is still home. Maggie brings him hot chocolate and he drinks it through his white ski mask so as not to give him self away.
4) Any episode where Carol and her friends all scream Ewwww Booonnnerrr!!! when he appears.
All kidding aside lets all pray to God (or Jimmy as Boner referred to him once) for the safe return of Andrew Koenig because a world without Boner is a shitter place to be.
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