I've got it all figured out.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

What the Duck??!!

I had a reasonable picture of one here but they are now so rare that even that picture is gone... sigh.

Yesterday’s post got me thinking… Where have all the Duck Shirts gone? Back when I was about 10 or 11 every kid I knew had one of these shirts. It all started with the infamous “Duck Off” shirt that had a cartoon duck on it giving the finger (I know, I know, Ducks don’t even have fingers… so many layers to the comdy). “Duck Off” was a great shirt, we all wanted one, but most of our parents wouldn’t allow it. I guess white trash wasn’t as well established back then as it is now. So they had to make other Duck Shirts. They needed shirts with that same bad boy on the edge attitude but less out right offensive. There was a t-shirt shop in the Appleby Mall that sold a whole bunch. I purchased one with a cartoon duck in army fatigues holding a missile launcher with the phrase “Don’t Duck With Me” on it. It was beautiful. Not only did it still hold true to the original “Duck Off” but the duck was in army fatigues! You know, I think it might have even been a tank top. What a tank top was doing on a 10 year old boy I don’t know. I’d be hard pushed to say that back then I had the kind of physique that would back up the words on the shirt. Oh well, it was probably all they had and I couldn’t wait.
Other such great Duck Shirts that the store carried were “What the Duck”, “Duck U” this one had a college motif, and my other favorite “Frankly My Dear, I Don’t Give A Duck” this was a very complex design that had a duck in a hammock drinking a beer while his wife duck appeared to be yelling at him while holding a lawn mower. God I wish I had that shirt. When I used to be big into collecting vintage clothing I was in Value Villages, Amitys, Goodwills and vintage stores all the time and I never came across one of these shirts. Even now when I look online I can’t find a single one on Ebay, Craigslist or one of the thousands of lame t-shirt sites. The picture I posted above is the closest I’ve found. The drawing is the same with the beady eyes and that over-hanging bill but the slogan is not a play on the Duck for Fuck wording so I suspect it’s not an original. Plus listen to the description that goes with the shirt:

"The "buck" stops here was getting old, so the duck took over. Here he is sporting his finest shades while sipping on a Tom Collins. He's so leisurely, and you should be too. If this duck knows how to kick back and relax, imagine what you're capable of. Next thing you know, you'll be partying with the cast of "The OC." Just remember where the duck stops and you're solid gold"

What the Duck is that all about? I smell a fake. I think we just have to face it. Much like the dinosaurs, the Aztecs and real TV Dinners, Duck Shirts are now extinct and gone forever. So sad.
P.S. A couple other great shirts I remember them having were “Makein Bacon” with two pigs doing it on it and “Boning” with two skeletons doing it on it, both classics. They didn’t sell this one at the Appleby Mall but I did see it when I was around the same age at the Dixie Mall Flea Market. It both amused and disturbed me. WARNING NSFW.

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