I've got it all figured out.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

The Chippenfail Situation. Alley Oop Oop.

There was a landmark decision made in the US courts last Friday. The US Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit ruled that the Chippendales tuxedo look (wrist cuffs and a bowtie collar with no shirt) is not an inherently distinctive trademark.

File photo: Chippendales’ lawyer addresses the court on Friday.

Apparently the US Court of Appeals feels that Chippendales ripped off the look from Playboy’s Playboy Bunny look.

File photo: Hugh Hefner and his lawyer address the court on Friday.

Don’t feel bad Chippendales. We all know and respect what you were trying to do. You were trying to avoid people having to see things like this.

But at the same time who are you to tell people what they can and can’t wear? I don’t see firemen sending you any cease and desist notices.

Or construction workers and the Fresh Prince for that matter.

It is a shame though. Trademark laws help protect the integrity of your brand. And your brand is definitely important Chippendales. I can’t speak for everyone but when I see a shirtless greased up juice head on stage pumping his garbage in desperate middle aged women’s faces and he’s wearing a bow tie and cuffs. I immediately think Chippendales. That and I shouldn’t have ordered the footlong.

Bachelor Party - "Nick the Dick"


MySpace Video

But hey, lots of people have failed at trademarks and are still to successful. Let me show you.

Donald Trump.

He tried to trademark the phrase You’re fired! and failed worse than his hairdresser. But I’m pretty sure he’s still rich. He’s building a big towery thing here in Toronto and I didn’t find any pictures of him wearing a barrel.

Harley Davidson

Back in 1994 Harley Davidson tried to trademark the sound that their engines make. This didn’t work because companies like Honda and Yamaha argued that their bikes contained basically the same engines so they made the same sound. Harley Davidson eventually gave up. I can’t say I’m surprised that they tried to trademark a sound. I think they’ve pretty much run out of products to put their logo on.

Makes your P.T. Cruiser feel just like a hog.

Makes you smell just like a hog.

Makes you want to have sex with a hog your old lady.

Hey Chippendales, maybe you should try throwing your brand on some junk like that. What’s that? You already have?

Yeah… no one’s going to want to drink out of that.

Mike the Situation Sorrentino
File Photo: Mike Sorrentino addresses the court.

He tried to trademark his nickname the Situation or his abs or something. Whatever it was he didn’t get it. I’m not sure what sort of plans he had for it anyway.

Oh. Oh. Ok… Ummm, I see.

In fact Chippendales you should be less worried about stopping midgets and oafs from donning your cuffs and collars for Halloween and more worried about Mike the Situation. While you’re paying your beefy revue good money to take their shirts off in a club packed full of boilers, Mike is doing it for free. And he’s taking them home and having sex with them too. With that kind of debonair personality it’s only a matter of time before people want to start dressing up as him for Halloween. And then you lose more exposure.

File photo: Too late.

Sigh. And here I was trying to cheer you Chippendales up. Oh well. Time for plan B. I baked you this cake.

Feel free to share it amongst the guys or have them jump out of it or something. Let’s see Mike the Situation top that.


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