This just in: Gay comic turns gay!

Archie Comics is going to introduce a  homosexual character this year.

I am shocked and appalled! You mean to tell me that Archie Comics still exists? Even when I was a kid you couldn’t give those fucking things away. Surely whatever readership they’ve clung to over the last 20 years or so have died of old age or boredom by now.

(Last year’s Archie Comic Convention)

Now that I think about it I do seem to recall hearing something about Archie finally proposing to Betty or Veronica a year or so ago.

I don’t remember which one he picked because I don’t really give a shit. All I know is if it wasn’t Betty, that girl is going to go Travis the Chimp crazy due to her disturbing obsession with Archie.

So how is a gay character going to cope in Riverdale? Isn’t it perpetually like 1955 there? We all know how small towns in the 50s treated people that were different.

Does Riverdale even have any black people in it? Ok, I just checked, they do. Charles “Chuck” Clayton and his dad Floyd Clayton who is the high school basketball coach (way to think outside the box on that one Archie Comics). Oh, also Archie is in an inter-racial relationship with Josie from Josie and the Pussycats.

(Is that just a costume or is she some kind of manimal?)

So alright, if Riverdale has black people and manimals then maybe they are ready for a gay guy. The problem is they’re only introducing one. That means he’s going to have to seduce someone else from the Archie world. So who do you think swish Kevin Keller will wind up pouring the pork to? Let’s see who he has to choose from.

Archibald “Archie” Andrews

I can’t see it happening. If they made Archie gay, whatever is left of their geriatric fan base would suffer hate strokes. Besides, Archie never changes his clothes and nobody really likes gingers.

Forsyth Pendleton “Jughead” Jones III

Jughead is a definite possibility. He’s described as sarcastic and apathetic towards girls. But he’s also lazy and food obsessed. So Kevin might stay away. Unless he’s into  Feederism.

Reginald “Reggie” Mantel III

Reggie is a strong possibility. He’s sporty, aggressive and outgoing. Plus a deep-rooted closeted homosexuality would explain his mean spiritedness and bullying. He is a little self absorbed though.

Reggie might go the Liberace route and force Kevin to have plastic surgery and dress like him so he can have sex with himself.

Marmaduke “Moose” Mason

I don’t know. He’s seems a little too typical dumb jock to be anything more then a one night keg-stand. Although after seeing this I’m not so sure.

So who’s it going to be? It doesn’t matter. Archie has always been gay. Until recently it’s just been the lame and terrible gay. Now it will be every kind of gay. If I was gay I’d be less happy about gays breaking down a barrier by gaining a voice in this gay comic and more upset that gays are being associated with a comic that’s so gay. Anyway, I’ll leave you all pondering what the fuck this Archie comic means. Adios homos.

P.S. In 2003 Archie Comics issued a cease and desist letter to the Dad’s Garage Theatre Company in Atlanta the day before they were supposed to open a play about Archie coming out of the closet and moving to New York. The play was called Archie’s Weird Fantasy. Archie Comics thought that if Archie was portrayed as gay (in a terrible play at some tiny theatre that no one is going to see) that it would tarnish his image. And now look at them. See, I told you that gay comic is gay.

Is that Rick or Mr. Dick?

Hello Folks. Rick Astley here.

You may recognize me from my hugely popular internet prank known as Rickrolling.

That’s where you think you’re going to see something cool or important like a naked lady. But instead you see this:



In honor of April Fool’s Day, Johnny Creep Show has asked me to come on here and introduce some of his favorite pranks from 80s movies. Now I can sing and dance in a trench coat like nobodies business but I’m not much of a talker. Being ginger makes me shy.

So without further ado, let’s see some 80s film pranks.

In Revenge of the Nerds, the nerds put liquid heat in the Alpha Beta’s jocks. (Hmm, this prank seems to sum up the entire title of the film).



Ha ha, that was a good one. Did you know that the dancer who runs up the wall and does a flip in my video wore a jock? I’m not sure why as he was so hung over during filming that he landed on his head and not his crotch, a little Ricktrivia for you there. Johnny also tells me that the part where Takashi Tosherio says, Oh! Like Salad! was not in the script. Well done Brian Tochi. You are quite the thespian

Nick the Dick from Bachelor Party is up next. I’ll have you know that back in 1987 some of the ladies referred to me as Rick the Dick. Sigh. Anyway here’s the video.

Bachelor Party - "Nick the Dick"

MaddenCowboy
MySpace Video

Ahhhh ha ha ha. Who orders a foot long hot dog at a strip club??!! Mind you, being from England I don’t know what a hot dog or a foot long is.

(You won’t fit a foot long on these.)

Here’s a gory gem. The blood and guts substitute teacher scareing prank from Summer School.



Ewww, gross. My wife Lene Bausenger is in the movie buis so I know a thing or two about special effects but that scene still gets Rick’s stomach rolling. Ha ha.

Now being an entertainer back in the 80s I was surrounded by gay men. I might even be gay myself. But apparently homophobia was as bad as ever back in the 80s and Mahone’s Blue Oyster bar prank from Police Academy makes great use of it. These two troublesome crew-cuted recruits think they’re going to a party. Instead they’re forced to dance all night with burly, mustachioed leather men. An instant classic.



For all you Torontonians out there, I’ll have you know that the outside Blue Oyster Bar scenes were filmed at The Silver Dollar on Spadina. I played the Kool Haus in Toronto last year. Good thing I didn’t ask Mahoney for directions or I’d be singing Together Forever while fox trotting with Freddie Mercury on steroids.

(Yikes!)

I know  Bob Clark's Ghost already posted this one not too long ago but Johnny says it wouldn’t be an 80s prank fest without it, the Pee Wee hooker prank from Porky’s. Think of it as being like my cover of Nat King Cole’s When I Fall In Love… something to be enjoyed over and over in all its manifestations.



Ha ha, wow. That Pee Wee fellow sure wants to get laid. He should have written Whenever You Need Somebody.

I didn’t need somebody for quite awhile after this came out, if you know what I mean. Wink, wink.

Last but not least Johnny has decided to throw us a curve ball. (He tells me that’s a baseball reference. Being English I asked him what baseball was. He started trying to tell me then we both fell asleep.) This next clip may not be from a comedy and may not have actually happened but neither did any of these other scenes when you really think about it and this is still a great prank… for a fat kid. The Barforama prank from Stand By Me.



Oh my, yuck. Johnny says that’s just reminded him of one of his favorite Garbage Pail Kids cards Barfin’ Barbara.

He says he likes how she’s reheating the barf and that he likes to think of her eating the hot barf and then barfing it up again. He also says he likes the idea of her possibly burning the roof of her mouth on her own hot barf. I’m not sure what Garbage Pail Kids are or what Johnny is talking about. In fact he kind of frightens me so I think it’s time to go. So long Creep Show readers.

Oh my one more thing. A bit of shocking late breaking news. It seems that  Pope Benedict the XVI has taken his own life as a result of this pedophilia scandle that’s been going on lately. Wow, didn’t see that coming. Rick Out.