I've got it all figured out.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Ask the Magic Internet a Stupid Question No. 0049.

I’ve only got basic cable right now. I got tired of all the crap that was on TV and how expensive it is. Sometimes I miss going past 28. Like when I realize that 2 of my channels are French and another one is the Sun News channel.

It’s like Fox News but everyone is uglier and more boring.

I usually just end up watching Simpson’s reruns. I saw one the other night with Cletus in it.

Cletus found a pair of scissors or something and said, Hey Brandine! I found somethin what to finally cut that umbilical cord with. And then it cuts to this:

Ahahahahahaha! Yes I know the Simpson’s kind of sucks now and we all wish Lisa was dead but sometimes they can still make the magic happen. And that scene got me wondering too. Do you think you could raise a baby with the umbilical cord still attached? You might have to keep it in a bucket full of embryonic fluid or something but could the mother still just eat stuff and the baby would get fed? Time to produce some magic of my own. Magic of the internet variety.

Question 49: Can a mother not cut the umbilical cord and feed and raise her born baby with it?

Magic Internet Answer: You are lucky that computers do not have a gag reflex because that question is so stupid that it would surely cause me to purge abandoned Hotmail accounts all over you. You obviously have little to no knowledge about the process of human birth. The umbilical cord is attached to the placenta. The placenta may remain attached to the mother for several minutes but it will eventually detach. Therefore there is no way that the child could remain attached to the mother for any great length of time.

Hospital Dumpster Diner. Today’s Special: Free range Haggis.

Did you not learn any of this in school?

Well, they tried to show us a video once in grade 9 health class but the teacher left the room while we were watching it and one kid went up to the VCR and started fast forwarding and rewinding it over and over so we just saw the baby shloping in and out. Since then I have avoided witnessing anything like that because I think it’s gross. Right P. Diddy?

Mmhmm. It ruins the sexy.

1 comment:

CDXX said...

I don't know what P. Diddy feels like when he wakes up, but if we were to believe Ke$ha, he wakes up covered in jizz surrounded by a dozen black cocks.