I've got it all figured out.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Mommas don’t let your babies grow up to be jerk-offs.

So the Calgary Stampede is underway here in Canada. (Not to be confused with its cousin to the south.)

Already a rider has been severely injured and four horses have died.

On the plus side organizers say that the deaths of these majestic beasts will not go in vane as the Stampede chili will be extra meaty this year.

Now I’ve never been to a rodeo. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I don’t live out west. Or maybe it’s because I think they’re retarded. Take your pick.

I mean this I can’t get enough of.

But this I just don’t get.

Hey Jim-bob! I gots me an idear. I’m gonna put this here belt round the horse’s hoo-ha and then you see how long you can stay on top of him while he tries to get it off. Ye-har! Ye-har! Ye-har!

But who am I to judge these people and what they do with horses? I mean sure it’s cruel but so are lots of things.

It’s just seems that the whole rodeo thing takes its self a little too serious. I can get behind a monster truck rally because it knows it’s stupid and the only animals that get hurt are the fans dumb enough to sit in the front row and whatever functioning alcoholic is driving grave digger these days.

But when horses are dropping dead just so you can show everyone how fast they can pull a chuck wagon all in the name of western heritage and values? I say bullshit. When was the last time anyone saw a chuck wagon anyway?

Ahhh, dog food. Yet another final resting place for the proud steads of western heritage.

Sorry cowboys. I don’t care about your heritage. In fact I don’t think you ever really existed in the first place. Now go back to your real purposes. Selling cigarettes and homo-erotica.

And for more on that last one, here’s The Reverend Horton Heat. Ye-har! Ye-har! Ye-har!

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