I've got it all figured out.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

When is the rest of the world going to learn that animals don't belong in their homes. They belong in space.

So I heard that Iran failed in their attempt to put a live monkey in space. This doesn’t surprise me one bit. For one, according to the Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the country of Iran has no gay guys gay guys in it. Well everyone knows that gay guys are great organizers. They’d probably have that monkey up in space lickity split, alive and dressed to the nines.

You’re never going to compete with the wonders of the galaxy so it’s best to go with a classic tux. Blast off!

Ahmadinejad also said that Iran's nuclear power was discovered by a 13 year old girl in her own house using some old parts she got at the local bazaar

Libya’s Iran’s nuclear reactor.

Based on this informationI can probably guess what the Iranian Space Program’s bazaar grocery list looked like.

Get some of these:

And some of this:

And don’t forget this:

Where do you even get a monkey in Iran anyway? I thought they weren't allowed to have pets? They don’t eat bushmeat in Iran do they? Well if they do and I was a monkey, I think I’d rather have my eulogy read failed astronaught then reason for extra ketchup.

You know what kind of monkey they should send up there? A bathroom monkey.

He could clean up all that space junk that’s floating around up there before it comes back down and hits us on the head. Iran just better hope the monkey doesn’t crash land on that planet Fagatron that Andrew Dice Clay is always telling people to go back to.

Because if he does it ain’t going to end well for Iran.

You look fabulous throwing Mahmoud in those purple pants Dr. Homorius.


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