I've got it all figured out.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

How I spent my summer vacation.

Happy Summer Solstice everyone!

What does it mean? Well today is the day that the earth’s axis is tilted 23.4 degrees relative to the sun and the sun’s rays are at their most powerful here on earth. So what should you do? Well if you’re in or near England and you’re one of those smelly hippy types you can head over to England’s oldest tourist trap Stonehenge.

Just don’t drink too much mead and don’t forget your wizard costume or you won’t be allowed to participate in the super hot revolting 78some.

And don’t drink the brown mead. It came out of this guy.

Oh and don’t let Clark Griswold be your designated driver.

But seriously what it really means is the start of summer. Today it officially begins. And I can’t help but reminisce about some of the great summertime fun I’ve had over the years…

How I Spent My Summer Vacation: Age 8.

Growing up in Burlington my house backed onto a creek. I spent a lot of happy times playing in that creek and summers were no exception. One summer day I was playing in the creek with this kid named Luke. Luke was never really a friend. He was one of those future mental cases that would beat you up one day then knock on your door the next and ask if you wanted to come out and play. If you said no, he’d beat you up the next day. So many of us neighborhood kids tolerated him but never really liked him. Kind of like that stupid Ewoks cartoon they played on Sunday afternoons.

I still get a hint of back to school tomorrow depression when I hear that horrible theme song.

So there we were me and Luke marching up the creek with sticks. I don’t remember what we were doing. I want to say we were searching for treasure. Because treasure we did find. Luke was in front leading the march and as we rounded a bend in the creek he spotted something. It was a plastic bag partially submerged in the water!
Yes, one man’s environmental hot button topic is another man’s treasure.

But better yet Luke exclaimed that there was something metallic sticking out of the bottom of it. Now this definitely warranted a closer inspection. For mankind’s lust for that which is shiny and metal has brought civilizations to their knees. I surged forward to get a better look but Luke pushed me back and grabbed the bag. Not wishing to share in the spoils.

Now this is where I will stop my tale to explain something. Just imagine you’re Fred Savage and I’m the story telling Granddad from Princess Bride played by Colombo.

You see the creek didn’t just back onto my yard. It backed onto many yards in the neighborhood. Some of these yards had sizeable lawns and back then you couldn’t buy these:

So lazy guys would just wheelbarrow their leaves and grass down to the bottom of the yard and dump it in the creek. But some of these yards had dogs and even lazier guys. Now with that in mind, let’s continue.

Luke hauled the bag up over his head in an effort to both keep it away from me and to examine the shiny metal thing. Well that shiny metal thing? It was an old ripped up pop can. And its sharp edge wielded by the forces of weight and gravity made short work of the bottom of that bag. Spilling it’s bounty of liquid dog shit all over Luke.

File Photo: Luke’s treasure.

He ran screaming home and as I couldn’t think of what else to do, I ran right after him. By the time I reached his house he was already inside, not to be seen again that day. But I did see his older brother Tyler. He looked at me and said in a Kung Fu voice, Asss-ho! You want the dewy max? Turn your balls into fortune cookie. And he kicked me nuts. And that’s how I spent my summer vacation.

No comments: