I've got it all figured out.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Ask the Magic Internet a Stupid Question No. 0040

I was reading the other day that every dog’s nose is different and you can identify a dog by its nose print!

We’ll no more when we get your crotch down to the lab and dust it for prints.

Maybe they should start a database of dog nose prints. You could get your dog’s nose print on file with the vet and then you wouldn’t have to get your dog micro-chipped or tattooed.

Lost: 2 yo white Pitbull named Mayhem. Looks like this. Has matching tattoo of my head on its belly also surrounded flames. Note: Actual dog’s head not on fire.

The shelters would have a little device that scans the dog’s nose and runs the scan through a database and presto, you get your dog back. I think it’s a good idea. But then again I think these are a good idea too:

Pro: They allow for better control of my peanut butter intake.
Con: Mutton doesn’t get to lick the knife.

Hey, speaking of licking, did you know that every tongue is different too. It’s true. Every tongue has a distinctive pattern just like a finger print. I wonder if a tongue print has ever helped solve a crime. We could ask McGruff but he’s busy sniffing some guy’s crotch or eating his own logs or something, so let’s ask the Magic Internet.

Question 40: Has a tongue print ever been used as evidence in a criminal trial?

Magic Internet Answer: There is no known record of a tongue print or impression being used as evidence in a criminal investigation. There have been many cases in which saliva and the DNA contained within has been used to convict a suspect and a few cases where teeth have been matched to bite marks on victims but no tongues.

Oh well. How many criminals are going to go around leaving tongue prints anyway? And can you imagine having to go down to a police station and lick the same pad as all those other criminals!

Although I don’t think this guy would have a problem with that.

Smell ya later folks.

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