I've got it all figured out.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Ask the Magic Internet a Stupid Question No. 0038

(Doff of the hat to the Weird Dudes.)

Everyone is talking about the super dog that helped capture Osama Bin Laden.

My dog Mutton is related to a super dog. His name is Puff Daddy. Here’s a video of him showing off his special skills at the Calgary Stampede.

 Let’s see that Navy SEAL dog go through Bin Laden’s legs 3 times while he’s walking. 

But seriously, these navy SEAL dogs are pretty amazing. They get their fangs replaced by titanium teeth so they can bit through body armor! 

Like Jaws from James Bond!

Sexy time ladies. 

And the dogs wear body armor too. They get it from this crazy company called K9 Storm.

I wonder if they have dog body armor that can resist bites from those stupid little weepy eyed old lady dogs that are such antisocial shut ins that they bark at and attack any dog they come in contact with during their 10 minute once a month walk?

I watch 6 hours of Coronation Street and eat 8 Peek Freans a day. I kill you! I kill you!

Hey do you think the Navy SEALs had to pick up the dog’s poop?

Special agent Sparky’s bending one in Osama’s cabbage patch. Cover me fire team Bravo. I’m going in.

Or maybe the dog wears a tactical diaper.

 They probably just blow it up like they did that helicopter. So it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands. They can’t make a dog wear a diaper. Look at that poor dog up there. That constitutes a war crime. And besides, Navy SEALs don’t wear underwear either. Isn’t that where the whole phrase going commando comes from? What is with that phrase anyway? I remember reading in a book once that the SAS would take off all their clothes when it started raining and store them in their bergens so they wouldn’t get wet and they’d just march around in the nude. Can you imagine being set upon by a nude SAS team?!

 Limited Edition Rainy Night Raid Action Man! (Shame covering trench coat sold separately.)

But is there any real truth to the going commando phrase? Or was it just a throwaway line from Friends that became a valid excuse for not wearing underwear? Lock and load Magic Internet. You’re going in.

Question 38: What is the origin of the phrase going commando?

 (Hmm. Arnold wore underwear in Commando. A rare oversight from the film’s research department perhaps?)

Magic Internet Answer:  The true origins of the phrase going commando remains unclear. Some believe that it stems from the phrase going regimental which refers to Scottish soldiers wearing nothing under their kilts.

Around 26% of all romance novel material also stems from this.

Although the phrase going commando did not appear in print until 1985 it began creeping into the American college campus vernacular around 1974. This date may have significance in the phrase’s origin as it marks the wind down of the Vietnam War with many young soldiers returning to America having worn no underwear in the jungle for better ventilation. The mid 70s also marks the upswing of America’s macho lothario culture.

This picture pretty much sums up that whole time period.

Many young men may have chosen to go commando in order to emulate some of the adult film stars that were on the rise during that time. They may have felt that to be sans underwear meant that they were ready for action, yet another phrase with a military origin.

Hi, I’m Marky Mark. I played one of those 70s porn guys in Boogie Nights after I became famous for wearing underwear and singing Come on! Come on! Ironic, huh? Come on! Come on!

Going commando eventually became a phrase used by the common public after it was mentioned by the character Joey in the hit sitcom Friends. So what was once a military necessity which then became an unhygienic practice believed to increase one’s preparation for sexual activity is now printed on t-shirts to be worn by witless individuals.

 And used to sell Mars bars.

 And the name of a popular children’s video game sequel.

 Hurray for stupid! Thanks Magic Internet and a special thanks to Matt LeBlanc for bringing going commando to the attention of the idiot masses. Here’s his equally idiotic Heinz Ketchup ad from back in the day.

You know who else likes ketchup?

Justin Timberlake when he plays a 70s adult film star! 

What a coincidence, huh? Come on! Come on!


Drewcifer said...

Gayest Creepshow ever.

Johnny said...

You obviously haven't read the Ball Bra post.


ljr said...

don't think that's your real picture

you don't sound like that

Johnny said...

I don't sound like a complete weirdo? Are you sure you're reading this thing right?