Herpe Valentine’s Day!

It’s St. Valentine’s Day and love is in the air!

Over at the Playboy Mansion that love filled air is giving everyone some type of legionnaires disease. They’re saying that it might have been caused by a fog machine but we all know the real cause.

And speaking of diseases I have good news for all you people with herpes out there. You no longer have to spend Valentine’s Day crying lonesome tears into your Hungry Man Fried Chicken Dinner whose freezer burned box you earlier used to sooth your raw and blistered genitals.

Herpes herpes boburpes banana fanna fo ferpes me my mo merpes. Herpes!

Camelot Introductions now offers a dating service that connects people with herpes with other people with herpes.

File Photo: Couples with herpes.

Now your nights can be spent discussing your herpes over candlelit dinners. The size and frequency of your outbreaks, the disgusting acts that resulted in your infection and the horrible people that gave them to you.

It doesn’t matter if you have nothing else in common. That’s never stopped true love before.

File Photo: True love/couples with herpes.

So this one goes out to all you heart hurtin’ herpes havein’ heroes hunched over your Hungry Man helpings. Slap on some polysporin and slip into something stain resistant cause you’re back in the game!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Got a nice card picked out for my special lady.

Not to mention a little something for her to slip into later.

She’s gonna look great in them while she cooks me up something romantic.

As for me, I’m gonna be wearing a little something special too.

The best part? It’s not even my hair.

It’s amazing what you can do with a little glue, a little patience and love in your heart.

Yeah, we’re gonna push the A. V. Unit into the bathroom and watch a romantic movie in the tub.

I hope we can get it in there. The bathroom is a little cramped.

Not to worry. We’ll soon both relax when I slip the most romantic movie of all time into the VCR.

You guessed it. 

Garbage Pail Kids.

P.S. I actually found this in the laundry room of my building about a year ago.

Somebody actually gave this to someone that they liked.