Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!

Bonus: That kid’s fucking head looks like a Pumpkin!

Now I’m sure a lot of my American readers are putting down their firearms or foot long hamburgers from Carl’s Jr.

Shut up, I know you’re eating them right now.

And wondering, What in the hell is that crazy Canuck talkin’ about? Thanksgiving ain’t for another month. Yee haw and tar nation. Well not here. In Canada we celebrate Thanksgiving on the second Monday in October. I like it that way. It spaces out the holidays so you can enjoy each one individually. In America they have Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday in November. I don’t know why. Maybe it takes them longer to clean (oil) and set the table.

One of those elephant guns would make a great horn of plenty. Does anyone actually put one of those horns on their table at Thanksgiving?

They used to give us pictures of them to colour at school around Thanksgiving (Way to phone it in Mrs. Burnell.) but I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen one. I suppose I could make my own. Like this one made out of what appears to be the Sears catalogue underwear section.

But back to the whole Thanksgiving in November thing .That’s 4 weeks before Christmas! That just seems like too much to handle. You’re forcing yourself into a marathon of over indulgence. You’d just be finishing your Thanksgiving leftovers as you’re putting the Christmas Turkey in the oven. Well I hope they’re all asking Santa for the Shake Weight cause they’re gonna need it.



Or you could go out and hunt your own turkey. That’s good exercise. Here’s a little song off Ted Nuggent’s Hunt Music album to get you in the mood.



Just don’t get too caught up in the hunt or you may find yourself hunting nature’s greatest prey…

Man.



Gobble Gobble Hey everyone!

The Chippenfail Situation. Alley Oop Oop.

There was a landmark decision made in the US courts last Friday. The US Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit ruled that the Chippendales tuxedo look (wrist cuffs and a bowtie collar with no shirt) is not an inherently distinctive trademark.

File photo: Chippendales’ lawyer addresses the court on Friday.

Apparently the US Court of Appeals feels that Chippendales ripped off the look from Playboy’s Playboy Bunny look.

File photo: Hugh Hefner and his lawyer address the court on Friday.

Don’t feel bad Chippendales. We all know and respect what you were trying to do. You were trying to avoid people having to see things like this.



But at the same time who are you to tell people what they can and can’t wear? I don’t see firemen sending you any cease and desist notices.

Or construction workers and the Fresh Prince for that matter.

It is a shame though. Trademark laws help protect the integrity of your brand. And your brand is definitely important Chippendales. I can’t speak for everyone but when I see a shirtless greased up juice head on stage pumping his garbage in desperate middle aged women’s faces and he’s wearing a bow tie and cuffs. I immediately think Chippendales. That and I shouldn’t have ordered the footlong.


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But hey, lots of people have failed at trademarks and are still to successful. Let me show you.

Donald Trump.

He tried to trademark the phrase You’re fired! and failed worse than his hairdresser. But I’m pretty sure he’s still rich. He’s building a big towery thing here in Toronto and I didn’t find any pictures of him wearing a barrel.

Harley Davidson

Back in 1994 Harley Davidson tried to trademark the sound that their engines make. This didn’t work because companies like Honda and Yamaha argued that their bikes contained basically the same engines so they made the same sound. Harley Davidson eventually gave up. I can’t say I’m surprised that they tried to trademark a sound. I think they’ve pretty much run out of products to put their logo on.

Makes your P.T. Cruiser feel just like a hog.

Makes you smell just like a hog.

Makes you want to have sex with a hog your old lady.

Hey Chippendales, maybe you should try throwing your brand on some junk like that. What’s that? You already have?

Yeah… no one’s going to want to drink out of that.

Mike the Situation Sorrentino

File Photo: Mike Sorrentino addresses the court.

He tried to trademark his nickname the Situation or his abs or something. Whatever it was he didn’t get it. I’m not sure what sort of plans he had for it anyway.

Oh. Oh. Ok… Ummm, I see.

In fact Chippendales you should be less worried about stopping midgets and oafs from donning your cuffs and collars for Halloween and more worried about Mike the Situation. While you’re paying your beefy revue good money to take their shirts off in a club packed full of boilers, Mike is doing it for free. And he’s taking them home and having sex with them too. With that kind of debonair personality it’s only a matter of time before people want to start dressing up as him for Halloween. And then you lose more exposure.

File photo: Too late.

Sigh. And here I was trying to cheer you Chippendales up. Oh well. Time for plan B. I baked you this cake.

Feel free to share it amongst the guys or have them jump out of it or something. Let’s see Mike the Situation top that.

Shit!